We've Met Before, My Name Is Jessica

Phew! That took forever! Hello again to all my friends, I'm sure you've been pining away for me, repeatedly refreshing your browsers in the hopes of an update with which to waste your time. And I will not disappoint.

Jessica Does Many Many Things; Forgets Them All

When I last left you, I was stuffing boxes of candy down my mouse pants and crawling toward my house (der meine gastfamilie) while my muscles atrophied from overexposure to sugar and beer. Not much has changed.

An easy week followed, without much class or any need for intellectual stimulation, so I youtubed my way through about 4 days. This weekend, most of the group went to Budapest but I am just not that interesting, so I explored Bonn!

The Bonn Chronicles, Part 1: In Which I Discover the Gestapo and Gummi Bears

On Thursday, we went to the Gestapo Headquarters in Cologne; the building had been used for decades after the war, only being turned into a museum in 1997. We looked into the cells where detainees were held; tiny spaces with windows looking out into the street, 20-30 people squished together for days at a time and were ignored by passersby. Needless to say, it was very moving, but being the insufferable ass that I often am, I made moon eyes at my professor the entire time. Ha, I'm only kidding, you should know my not-so-inner nerd was having a conniption (but on the serious, he is PRECIOUS).





On Friday, Kristin and I did what we do best: find candy, preferably being passed out by humans dressed in giant furry costumes. We went to the Haribo factory, and I personally dug my hand into every candy shelf they had, with a loud squeeeee! of gluttonous joy.



Afterward we wandered around Bad Godesberg and realized that we had absolutely nothing to do. Until I found this:

What you are viewing is quite possibly the most bizarrely racist Easter Bunny or sweetest (pun!) tribute to Mickey Rooney in "Breakfast at Tiffany's" EVER. You decide.




The Bonn Chronicles Part 2: The Uneventful Troupe Meets the Eurotrash Twins



Determined to enjoy ourselves in the absence of our Budapest-invading friends, Stephanie, Vanessa, Kristin and I met for dinner at Stephanie's house (where I got to chat with my dear old friend, the piano, until I remembered that I am a terrible player and stopped out of mercy for the rest of the group) and headed off to Cologne to meet Sandra. In typical New Europe Program fashion, we wandered around the streets of Cologne without an idea as to where we would go. After a few beers and shots of Absinthe, we came up with the bright idea of heading back to Bonn. And so we went, arm in arm.





We went to N8, a club near the Altstadt which is evidently a sweatlodge set to 90s pop music. I had a lovely time, at least I thought I did until I saw them: perched on a platform in matching black button down shirts, there they were in all their glory. Two souls, so perfectly synchronized in their rhythmic swaying, so hairsprayed and adorned in Calvin Klein accessories (that could only be outshined by their hairless torsos exposed by four undone buttons) that they could not be ignored. We found the holy grail of Eurotrash; and there were TWO OF THEM. Wiping sweat from my brow, I weighed a large bag of sand with which I replaced them and ran, chased by spear-throwing club-goers. Safely back in their museum, the Eurotrash twins were finally in a place where they would be properly cared for.*



Eventually, after "Wannabe" played again, I headed home to rest up for my big day of doing nothing, otherwise known as "homework." You see, there was once this thing called "homework" (phonetically "hohm-wurk")that I used to do back in the Americas. Though it is nearing extinction in Germany, some rare breeds still exist and I occasionally tend to them instead of shooting them as I would like to. Two papers, a presentation, and 2 midterms (wish me luck on Friday!) later, I am ready for a nice day trip. Why, there's one tomorrow you say? What luck!

Join me next time for "Jessica Visits Trier and Further Annoys Others With Frivolous Picture-Taking"
Tschuss!

*Please note, I saw the shorter one at Starbucks the next day in a tee shirt and jeans with his homework and I breast swelled with a motherly pride.