Thank God For House Parties

Sometimes, you just miss home. For me, it's wearing flip flops every day, driving to In-n-Out on a whim, and eating things that are green. On Friday, I finally got a taste of the beautiful San Fernando Valley.

Jessica Pulls A Kid n' Play: HOUSE PARTY German Style

Chelsea did us all a wonderful favor by turning 20 this weekend and Aaron returned the favor by having his host family leave for a few days; it was in the stars. We met at his house to find bowls of mixed chips and pretzel sticks, bottles of the German version of Coke and assorted off-brand alcohols to make terrible mixed drinks. The mini kegs were absurdly apropos to the mini table on which we used them to play beer pong. Chelsea, the most amusing partner I've ever had, made a technique out of chucking the ball as hard as she could into the center, effectively creating Beer Bowling.

After devouring her birthday cake (forks only, classy ladies), we became giddy with beer and sugar and headed to the bus to go into town.

Jessica Faces Off With Greasers; Fingers Are Snapped In An Angry Musical Fashion

The house being an unreasonably long distance away from downtown, we rode on the bus for a half hour. After about five minutes, however, a group of rowdy and be-mulleted boys climbed on board and began to pull at my hat and hair. I turned around, with lady-like poise, and politely told them that if they touched me again they would soon be doing so with a bloody stump. The silly boys, thinking that anyone with a mullet would ever be taken seriously, got a bit territorial and verbal threats were exchanged. Eventually we ignored them long enough for them to become bored and they finally left.

We got to the first club, but hearing the screaming sobs of a heavy metal band quickly turned around to stumble toward my favorite place: Blow Up. I twirled around the crowded room with Kristen, playing "musical boys" until I found the Double Mint Twins of Colombia, Carlos and Juan Carlos (their friend Juan had just left). I immediately asked them if they enjoyed both coffee and drugs, and when they answered in the affirmative, we became fast friends. After a few hours of talking to what seemed like everyone in the bar, I grew very tired and looked at the time, hoping a bus would be coming soon. It had just left.
This process repeated every hour until 5am when the bar closed. I left the bar (and my umbrella, sadly) behind and hurried to the bus stop, where I waited to be carried home by my great adversary, the Bonn transportation system.

A seemingly simple task, taking the bus, no? You just sit there quietly until the nice German lady announces your stop, and then you happily bounce off toward sweet warm home. Unless your name is Jessica and you fall asleep and miss your stop.

I sat there, cold and bleary-eyed, when a woman approached me to kindly tell me it was almost the last stop. Delirious, I could only answer: "Tannenbusch...Mitte..."
When the bus parked, I finally realized her attempt at kindness and asked the driver when we would start up again. Zwanzig minuten, but I could wait on the bus. I sat there, dozing once again, in my overstuffed down coat and bright yellow hat; I looked like an exotic bird napping with my head tucked into my body, which might have been adorable if said bird didn't have smeared makeup or occasionally mumble "Tannenbusch..." Also added to the array of fun was my desperate need to pee and the poor choice to wear tights, which press on your bladder with sinister delight. Being the only person on the bus, I pulled the waistband outward in order to decrease my discomfort for another hour, when I would finally reach my stop.

Sitting there, with mascaraed raccoon eyes, holding out the waistband of my leggings and dozing in and out of a stupor, I looked like Nelson Muntz's mother and nearly cried with joy when I leaped off the bus and ran (literally, ran) home. It was 7am when I finally hit my pillow.

Needless to Say: Jessica Spends an Entire Day Being Useless

Wrapped up in my sweatpants and Kafka teeshirt, I was happy as a clam; I ate chocolate and watched Are You Afraid of The Dark. It was a wonderful Valentine's Day.

Until next time, dumplings!